Promotion? Yeah, promotion! Why in the world would anyone promote the idea of relapse as a positive step? Hang with me a minute. Of course the notion of relapse prevention has arisen mostly from the addictions field. When someone has learned to abstain from substance abuse and then falls back into it, we call that a lapse, or if significant and long-lasting enough, a relapse. You can’t really have a lapse or relapse unless you can truly claim that you have already demonstrated a substantive change in your behavior in the chosen direction and have been able to sustain that change to the point that it feels “ego-syntonic” or “normal.” Only then can we describe reversions to old function as relapse. So to talk about relapse promotion is to acknowledge that most of us, in the striving toward positive psychology or qoltc living, haven’t yet really arrived. When we can truly say we’ve had a relapse will be a glorious day because it will imply that we’ve actually acquired enough new and stable behaviors in our life to say that we are living a more positive life or our quality of life has truly improved. So I guess I’m saying I look forward to my first QOLTC relapse!
Allow me to wonder a moment about how we get there—–how do we stay focused enough , vigilant enough, and practice these new skills enough to truly make them our own? That’s obviously not an easy task. What we are asking for is the ability to continuously monitor our thoughts and feelings, the capacity to confront and challenge and change negative cognitions, and to have at our disposal the tools with which to do all this. And, all the while, we have a tremendous proclivity to “lapse” into our old (probably mostly sub- or pre-conscious) ways of behaving- which for most of us is to keep our eyes peeled for threats. Obviously, our work is cut out for us. But is it do-able ? Of course. I was counseling an older couple once who asked if I really thought that they could change at their age. I hesitated a moment and then said-”you know, that’s my job description-teaching old dogs new tricks.”
So how do we get there?-to the point where we can be worthy of a relapse? We keep that vigilance, we monitor our thoughts and feelings, we practice over and over again those new skills and slowly we arrive. It’s kind of like thinking about going through your whole day without ever making a left turn-not just driving (like UPS is trying) but even walking. Think about that- how hard would that be? Better yet, try it. (Interestingly, as I was thinking about this, I realized that two rights don’t make a wrong, but three rights do make a left!) So keep striving to make your QOLTC journey right and you can’t go wrong!
All my best on your journey,
walt
